If you don’t have anything good to say…

That’s pretty much where I’m at.

I have had quite the week. And it’s not over. A week ago today, my best friend took his life. His wife called to tell me that night. I’m still amazed at her strength. I wish I could be there more for her. She’s on the other side of the country. Of course we have no idea why. I knew things were pretty intense, but I had no idea they were that intense. The irony? He helped pull me out of my depression and lay the foundation for the path on which I travel today. I am trying so hard to stay positive. His mom called me this morning to thank me for the note that I sent out and to see how I was doing. I said I’m trying really hard to pick myself up. I told her that it would be a disservice to him if I let this drag me down and my life came to a halt. I would be undoing all of his hard work. She said that she never looked at it that way, but that was a good perspective to have. I still see signs of him all over. I swear he’s not too far away. You can bet that I will be taking him with me to school next week.

My bestie stayed with me all weekend. I really don’t know what I would do without her. She was lucky enough to have met my friend too. One of my fondest memories includes the both of them. She has been there for me through thick and thin too. This is one time that I’ve needed her the most and she’s been right there. Thank God for her.

To add to everything, I have to go to family court tomorrow. I try hard not to talk about it. I just pray that everything goes in my son’s favor.

And then there’s been the school preparation. I pretty much have everything ready to go. What a lot of work! I’ve said this before… If I wasn’t so passionate about what I want to do, it would have just been easier to sit on my butt and do nothing. But since I don’t roll like that and I actually want to move forward, I will do what I can to make sure that is going to happen.

I am a firm believer in everything happens for a reason. I don’t know the reason why my friend made the decision to leave, but he had his reasons. Just like I believe school is happening now for a lot of reasons. One being that it will be a coping tool for such a big loss. It won’t make the pain go away, but it will certainly be a great distraction. I won’t allow this to take away from my experience… I could see my friend coming back to kick my ass if I did!

I went out today to get some more felting supplies. I picked up a couple of books over the weekend. One of them actually had me laughing out loud! So that got the felt bug going again. I think I’m going to give into it right now. I have some sweaters that I need to do, but I just don’t have the drive to knit right now. I’m sure it’ll be back by the weekend. It has to be. There’s one that I want to have finished before I start school for sure.

As for school shopping, that’s done. And I’m sure you’re assuming everything is purple… Yep! Including my computer. It’s called Sweet Purple. Yep, cuz it’s sweeeeet and it’s purple 😀 I also got a rolling tote to put my sewing machine in. Bet you can’t guess the colour of it! I love it. Twenty years later and everything is still the same colour!

I’m so thankful tomorrow is the last day of August. I’m so glad to get this month done. I don’t know about anyone else, but I just feel that tomorrow is going to be a day of closure. September starts a new chapter in my life. The reading this summer has been pretty crappy. But the adventure portion is about to begin!

My “Handy Helpers” – All I can say is WOW…

I wouldn’t call myself a religious person because I’m not committed to one particular religion. I have my beliefs and views and I can find beauty in pretty much any religion I’ve run across. One of my beliefs include “To each their own.” I do consider myself a spiritual person though. I believe in a higher power. Many have the need to label things, so I use  God and Universe interchangeably. Another belief I have is regarding angels. My life has been far too blessed, particularly in the past 3 years, for me to deny their existence. (A LOT of what has happened was initially perceived as being negative at the time, but I’m finding out that things aren’t always what they appear to be).

For the past few months, I don’t think there has been a day go by that I haven’t seen 11:11 at least once a day. Or 1:11. I’ve been told that that’s one’s angels trying to communicate with them. Last week, I found an article by Doreen Virtue explaining the meanings behind number sequences. I thought that was rather cool.

Last week I was hanging out at my mom’s while she was away. I was sitting in her chair working on my felting after my little man had gone to bed. I was getting a different felting needle out of the package when it had fallen out of its case. I wasn’t going to rest until I found it because the last thing I wanted was for Mom or my little man to sit on it or step on it. Those things are really sharp!

So I searched and I searched. I probably looked for a good 10 minutes. I moved the chair. I tipped it over. I moved the rug. Everything thing that could have been lifted up was and everything that could have been moved was. No luck.

Panic started to set it. So I asked for some “help”.

I looked over at Mom’s coffee table. There is an angel on it that is holding a ball that lights up. It’s actually an outdoor garden decoration, but Mom has chosen to keep in inside on her coffee table. It doesn’t get enough direct sunlight in order to light up every night. I’ve seen it light up before, but it’s never been for very long.

Well, didn’t it light up after my little request! It only stayed lit up for about half a minute. And in that half a minute… I found my needle. Then the light went out.

That REALLY caught my attention. After the way things went down last week, I have been calling in the “handy helpers” A LOT. There has been a lot on my plate the past couple of weeks. I figure it doesn’t hurt to find out more information about beings that want to help you. What do I have to lose, right? And after the felting needle incident, I felt that was a pretty strong sign that somebody has my back. So when I was in a book store the other day, I started looking at books about angels. I picked up Angels 101 by Doreen Virtue.

I’ve read quite a bit of it. There was one story that she shared that kind of piqued my interest…

“Altaira was cross-stitching one evening when her needle fell onto the floor. She searched everywhere but couldn’t find it. Worried that her son or her cat would step on the needle…”

Yeah, I know!

Since I’ve been reading more about them, I have been calling on them. The last two hours have been nothing short of miraculous and I’m sure there’s a very good reason for it. Yes, I did have to send my baby away for the weekend. BUT… After that I was able to get daycare sorted out for when I go to school. I got a phone call that there was a “Good Food Box” waiting for me (I didn’t sign up for it this month because I wasn’t sure where I was going to be or if I could pick it up). Bonus! And THEN I found out that I will be covered for September until my student loan comes in. And I won’t have to pay it back, like I was initially told. AND I also learned that there was an error in a review I went through last month. So that is in the process of being rectified!

All I can say is WOW. And THANK YOU!!!!

Note: I’ve decided to call my angels my “handy helpers”… My little man LOVES Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. In the clubhouse, there’s always a handy helper around to help Mickey with whatever he needs. That’s how I’ve been feeling the last few days… Except my “handy helpers” aren’t exclusive to my clubhouse 😉

Getting ready for school and the evils of Google – A miscellaneous post

You know, I think this is the first post that I’ve written from my very own computer? How funny is that? I’ve been moaning and groaning for so long about not having internet access. With that said, I have been spending a lot of time on Facebook just catching up on what I’ve missed. I’ve also been surfing for privacy software. I really don’t think it’s right that your IP is tracked so much. It’s scary what they can find out about you through your surfing habits. Heck, I got an error page today from Google wanting me to enter a word because they said that that did not match my surfing habits and that they were concerned that I was a “bot”. Google really does have too much control and too much of our information! Facebook is another bad one, I will agree. But do you have any idea how much Google controls and what it’s affiliated with? Check it out. You’ll be surprised.

On with my entry…

So I went out with my  mom on the weekend and got some school supplies. I really have to laugh… Exactly 20 years ago I was getting ready to go into grade 9. I looked at my purchases from the other day. Everything is still purple! They also had this purple backpack with peace signs on that I wanted soooo badly. I really didn’t need it though. I guess that’s where I’ve matured because grade 9 me would have came out with it regardless. I did get some funky shoes though. They’re comparable to Converse Allstars from back in “the day.” Another funny thing… Mom hated them then and she hates them now. When she saw them she said “And you’re how old?!” I responded with something along the lines of yes, I have a physical age. But I’m going with what’s in my heart.

I think it comes back to this whole feeling of making things up to that bright-eyed fourteen year old. That girl had so many open doors, so much potential. The world was her oyster. Too bad she didn’t know it then. She also wanted to express herself. She got made fun of for that though. Except for when she was on the ice. That was her safe haven where she, to be frank, didn’t give a rat’s ass about what anyone else thought. Picture the brightest, loudest spandex tights with some form of animal print boxer shorts over top, funky skate covers, a t-shirt and a fluorescent baseball cap to top it off. Suspenders were optional. There were times where she would conform and wear the fouffy schmoufer, prissy skirts and sweaters. But that didn’t happen too often!

So when I go through those college doors, I’m very sure I will be thinking “This one’s for you, fourteen year old me! Sorry we’re a little late, but we still made it here!”

I’m done with the “safe route.” I went to hairdressing school not because that’s what I always wanted to do. It was because that’s what was safe and realistic to pay back. I really do believe that was the beginning of the end. I started school exactly two weeks after my high school graduation. I remember being in that room and the teacher had only been talking for not even 5 minutes when I said to myself “What the HELL am I doing here?!” If that wasn’t a sign, I don’t know what was! But I stuck it out. It was the safest, most logical thing to do.

Did you know that there is actually an advantage to hitting rock bottom and losing everything? You have nothing to lose! I know I wouldn’t be taking this course if I hadn’t have hit bottom. It’s not “safe” when you have things to “lose.” And you know what’s going to happen? Because I’ve ventured off the “safe” trail, listening to my heart, I am sure that I’m going to flourish!

You know the other exciting thing about this new venture? I can bring a mature version of that girl back. She was fun! If I want to be “crazy hat lady”, then that’s who I’m going to be! If I feel so inclined to wear boxer shorts over my jeans, then I will do it! I’m sure there’s a reason that I want to express myself. I’ve been longing to do this for so long. Just be me. And if anyone has a problem with it, they don’t have to hang out with me. I’ve been alone. VERY alone. I will never be that alone again, even if I don’t make one single friend at school.

I did get quite a few of my supplies. I’ve even found a purple laptop that I’m going to get! WHEE!!!! This is where the fun begins!

I’m baaaaaaaaaaaaccccccccccckkkkkkkk!!!!!!!!!!

How to Get Me to Read Your Blog (via whimseytopia)

I thought this post was very informative!

I just wrote a self-congratulatory essay on my blog that included several guesses about why some of my posts get read and others don't.  That got me thinking why I read other people's blogs, and why I skip most of what I pull up. Of course the title is paramount to getting me to read.  If it's cryptic and requires opening to understand what it's about, I'll almost always pass. My favorite are short stories.  They don't have to be fiction, though … Read More

via whimseytopia

Yeah, fibre is my coping mechanism

I had to face a demon from my past. Literally and figuratively. (Too bad I am unaware of an exorcism ritual that will send this particular one packing… Open to suggestions here!). I asked if I could knit while we were talking and it was all good. I didn’t grit my teeth once and I knit a dishcloth and a half in less time that it takes to normally knit one! I guess the speed was perhaps to compensate for having to be in the same room as such darkness.

I knew knitting soothes me, but I had no idea just how much until today. I’m sure I wouldn’t have been able to endure one of the most uncomfortable situations I could be exposed to for as long as I did. I’m really proud of myself for that!

Some people smoke. Some exercise. Some use drugs or alcohol. Some eat. Some shop. My vice is knitting and today really opened my eyes to that. I am SO THANKFUL that I am able to knit in the first place and how it soothes me.

Now it’s time to release some anger that came bubbling back to the surface. That will be channeled through needle felting. Pretty sure I will be getting something done tonight!

Thank God for such wonderful coping mechanisms!

Trying to end on a positive note, here’s John Deere sweater number 2:

Number 3 is on the needles. The back is completely done and the tractor is started. It’s just downhill once the tractor is done 🙂

Introducing “Sunset at Silverspoon”

I gave in.

If you haven’t read my post about sunsets, you may want to do so now in order to understand this a little better.

I had to send my little man off again this wknd. I won’t get into it great detail. All I will say is that I don’t agree that he has to go to an environment where he is not appreciated and his needs aren’t being met (mostly emotional). On these weekends, I try to surround myself with positive people and experiences to keep up my happy vibe in spite of his absence.

What’s better than going out to lunch with a dear, long time friend and then topping that off with some retail therapy at the local fibre arts store (aka “candy store” hehehe)? And little did I know that it was going to end up being a bit of a reunion party too! Yes, this part is relevant too… Lol

I picked so more wool rovings for some felting at the candy store. I figured I may need them for school, so that was my “justification” 😉

So while I was at my friend’s place, I figured that I would introduce them to the world of felting. I had written about the bestie going on a cross Canada road trip and the pin she picked me up (and the fire she ignited again!). She had also picked up a felted hat. She was curious about the process, so I thought I would introduce her and our friend I went to lunch with to it. So now the bestie is digging the felting too 😀

While I was there, I had pulled some of my treasures out of the bag. I had picked up a variety of colours, but I had no idea just how beautiful they were until I pulled them out. And guess what? I had the perfect colours for the sunset piece I have wanted to do for almost a month now.

I was going to wait until I got to school, but that’s not gonna happen! I couldn’t help it. When I sit around and chat, I have to have something in my hands. So the piece has now started!

I’m not resisting it anymore. I’m also not going to “should” myself. My plan for today was to do some cleaning and organizing. But I just can’t get this piece out of my head. I’m done fighting. On a few different levels…

So I introduce you to my very first felting piece called “Sunset at Silverspoon”:

I thought it would be neat to see a work in progress. I have no idea what I’m doing or if I’m even doing it “right”. It’s a learning process an that’s what I’m doing right now. One day I will look back at it and smile, remembering how it would just not get out of my head and how it got the fire going 🙂

They Go On A Trip, I Get Inspired!

My best friend and her boyfriend just got back from a cross Canada road trip (man, I wish I could have went!). It was the experience of a lifetime for them 🙂

They brought back some very thoughtful, much-appreciated gifts for us. My gifts included a t-shirt and postcard from Lake Louise, Alberta. That’s a place that I’ve ALWAYS wanted to visit and skate on. They also picked up this little number to get me fired up:

I can SOOOOOOO do that! I’m pretty sure that’s why she picked it up 😉 She said she also got a felted hat that she wants me to look at. Oh, I feel the grasp of the felting bug so close to me! Hehehe

So the postcard of Lake Louise is going up in the Kycave amongst the photos of my loved ones, my Sew Resourceful certificate and the other loving, inspirational items that keep me buzzing in that room. I should take a picture of it someday. It’s probably not what you have pictured!

After seeing their pictures, the postcard and those sunsets last month, I’m just bursting at the seams with felting ideas. I’m going to hold on to them right now though, because I have prior commitments. If I am able to hold on to them until school, that may even be better. I can only imagine the feeling of pent up creative release that I am going to experience there.

32 MORE DAYS!!!!!

(there’s nothing saying that I can’t go to Marty’s and grab some felting supplies! ;-D)

Did you know you CAN get what you wished for?!

Well, now that I have Internet, my computer has a virus! Go figure, eh? I’m going to see how much it will cost to fix since I don’t have a Windows CD to do it myself. Somewhat frustrating. Oh well. My laptop is just within reach. I just want to wait for the back to school sales. I guess I should just start looking now, eh?

I was just saying to Mom on Sunday just how overwhelming it can be sometimes when you actually achieve a goal or are in a position to acquire something you have wanted for such a long time. Take the Internet for example… Once I had it in my home after almost 4 years, I had no idea where I wanted to start! Do I stalk Facebook and look at friends’ pictures I haven’t been able to view? Do I tweak my blog? Do I launch a website? I’m finding the same thing with laptop shopping. I also just got my school supply list. I glanced at it excitedly, but my mind has shut down! I mean, I’ve been wanting these things for so long and now I have them. No more struggling. What the…?!

NOTE TO SELF: Well suck it up girl and get used to it… If you can pull these things off, you’d better start figuring out what else you want! You’ve shot for what you once perceived as impossible and now they are in your grasp! Time to set some more goals. What do I want? 😉

Now to the needles…

I’ve finished the back of tractor sweater number 3! I still have to sew #2 together and make sure everything is weaved in. That won’t take long at all. Pretty sure she’s not in a hurry since she said Christmas would be good!

So next I will put the front of #3 on the needles. My goal is to have this one done in 2 weeks max (I have the dishcloths done too!)

I’ve also started a chunky sweater as well. It’s variegated camouflage, so it’s really fun to work with. It will probably take me awhile since it’s a 2X. Then again I’ve been shocking myself with my speed, so ya never know!

I’m finding that in order to keep up the momentum of working on repeat items, I have to slip in the odd little side item to keep the stitching interesting. So I did this little number:

I just have to knit the border, sew it on and it’s done. I don’t have anyone in mind, so it will probably end up being for sale at some point. I really love the colours and the yarn was fun to work with.

Well, I’m off. Going to get dressed and take my boy (and knitting!) to the park for a bit. Man, I LOVE having portable work! It’s so awesome to be able to pick up the yarn and needles and fulfill orders at the park, in the doctor’s office, waiting for an oil change… And I guess you know you LOVE your work when you have the option of leaving it at home… And you don’t! 😉