You know, I think this is the first post that I’ve written from my very own computer? How funny is that? I’ve been moaning and groaning for so long about not having internet access. With that said, I have been spending a lot of time on Facebook just catching up on what I’ve missed. I’ve also been surfing for privacy software. I really don’t think it’s right that your IP is tracked so much. It’s scary what they can find out about you through your surfing habits. Heck, I got an error page today from Google wanting me to enter a word because they said that that did not match my surfing habits and that they were concerned that I was a “bot”. Google really does have too much control and too much of our information! Facebook is another bad one, I will agree. But do you have any idea how much Google controls and what it’s affiliated with? Check it out. You’ll be surprised.
On with my entry…
So I went out with my mom on the weekend and got some school supplies. I really have to laugh… Exactly 20 years ago I was getting ready to go into grade 9. I looked at my purchases from the other day. Everything is still purple! They also had this purple backpack with peace signs on that I wanted soooo badly. I really didn’t need it though. I guess that’s where I’ve matured because grade 9 me would have came out with it regardless. I did get some funky shoes though. They’re comparable to Converse Allstars from back in “the day.” Another funny thing… Mom hated them then and she hates them now. When she saw them she said “And you’re how old?!” I responded with something along the lines of yes, I have a physical age. But I’m going with what’s in my heart.
I think it comes back to this whole feeling of making things up to that bright-eyed fourteen year old. That girl had so many open doors, so much potential. The world was her oyster. Too bad she didn’t know it then. She also wanted to express herself. She got made fun of for that though. Except for when she was on the ice. That was her safe haven where she, to be frank, didn’t give a rat’s ass about what anyone else thought. Picture the brightest, loudest spandex tights with some form of animal print boxer shorts over top, funky skate covers, a t-shirt and a fluorescent baseball cap to top it off. Suspenders were optional. There were times where she would conform and wear the fouffy schmoufer, prissy skirts and sweaters. But that didn’t happen too often!
So when I go through those college doors, I’m very sure I will be thinking “This one’s for you, fourteen year old me! Sorry we’re a little late, but we still made it here!”
I’m done with the “safe route.” I went to hairdressing school not because that’s what I always wanted to do. It was because that’s what was safe and realistic to pay back. I really do believe that was the beginning of the end. I started school exactly two weeks after my high school graduation. I remember being in that room and the teacher had only been talking for not even 5 minutes when I said to myself “What the HELL am I doing here?!” If that wasn’t a sign, I don’t know what was! But I stuck it out. It was the safest, most logical thing to do.
Did you know that there is actually an advantage to hitting rock bottom and losing everything? You have nothing to lose! I know I wouldn’t be taking this course if I hadn’t have hit bottom. It’s not “safe” when you have things to “lose.” And you know what’s going to happen? Because I’ve ventured off the “safe” trail, listening to my heart, I am sure that I’m going to flourish!
You know the other exciting thing about this new venture? I can bring a mature version of that girl back. She was fun! If I want to be “crazy hat lady”, then that’s who I’m going to be! If I feel so inclined to wear boxer shorts over my jeans, then I will do it! I’m sure there’s a reason that I want to express myself. I’ve been longing to do this for so long. Just be me. And if anyone has a problem with it, they don’t have to hang out with me. I’ve been alone. VERY alone. I will never be that alone again, even if I don’t make one single friend at school.
I did get quite a few of my supplies. I’ve even found a purple laptop that I’m going to get! WHEE!!!! This is where the fun begins!