My Purpose

I had the absolute honour and pleasure of helping Wendy with the beginner spinning program last week at HSTA. I get so excited when she asks me to help out. I LOVE watching people learn. I literally get butterflies in my stomach knowing the potential and how this may change their lives like it has mine. The joy. The peacefulness. The outlet for creativity. I could go on. I think I held myself together pretty well, but deep down I was crying tears of joy for them! I know some will fall comfortably in the vortex. Others have their toes on the edge. But this is something they will always have. If they spin today or 5 years from now, the option is still there.

Another thing I giggle about is how somebody gets something set in their mind that they probably won’t enjoy, but once they get their hands on it, game over. For example, there was somebody who wasn’t overly excited about dyeing. The next thing I knew, she was running around making up her own concoction and wanting to get the perfect colour that she held in her mind. I love it!

I just really enjoy passing on what I know. I know that I’m far from knowing a lot about spinning, but I do know enough to get people going. And it felt good. When I wasn’t sure about something, I would tell them how I understand it, but I wanted to double check with Wendy. More often than not, I was correct. I just wanted to be sure that I wasn’t passing on misinformation. It was also so cool to watch them do a technique that I demonstrated.

Sun dyeing at Fleming

Some more colours

I think I was put on this planet to teach. In fact I became convinced of that when I coached skating. I LOVED working with the kids and watching them grow. There were a couple of girls that grew into amazing skaters. I couldn’t help be think that maybe something I taught them helped them to get to where they were. When I was in high school, I wanted to be a music teacher. There were a bunch of perceived barriers in the way (if I knew then what I know now, I would have knocked them right out of the way!), so that never happened. I’m currently teaching workshops at the Kinmount Artisans Marketplace this summer. I love it. I just love it!

Soooo… I’ve got my sights set. I want to teach spinning. I want to fuel the fire in others the way Wendy fuels the fire in me. Whenever I do a spinning demo, I hear “That’s a dying art” a lot. I tell them that I’m on a mission to change that or “Not on my watch!” I want to suck as many people in to the spinny vortex that I can. That would make the world a much prettier, happier place.

To those whom I assisted last week: You all just blew me away with your enthusiasm, creativity and especially how quickly you picked up on spinning! I’ve seen a few others at the same stage, but I have never seen a class as a whole grasp it so quickly! You all did amazing! I wish you all the best in your future endeavors, spinning and other. I hope to see some of you at OHS Level 1 in 2017 if I don’t see you before. If I can be of assistance in any way, you know how to find me. Don’t hesitate to ask. Thank you so much. I did my best to keep a lid on stuff, but I will say that you helped me through a pretty rough week. I appreciate it. Keep up the good work!

My gratitude for SIRCH

I just finished doing a presentation for SIRCH Community Services this morning. DOES IT EVER FEEL GOOD to be on the other side!!! The side where I can give back for what they have given us!

For those who aren’t familiar with what SIRCH does, they are a community organization based out of Haliburton, Ontario. They have various programs such as hospice, Community Kitchen, School’s Cool, parenting assistance programs and so much more. They are also a springboard for some services to help out members of the community. They helped launch the Dental Outreach Program, a service for low income families who need emergency dental procedures. They were also the ones who put Sew Resourceful together, the program that helped propel me onto the path I have ALWAYS wanted to be on!

From the day I say how generous people were that Christmastime my son and I had to spend in a shelter, I decided right then and there that I want to be in a position to give back. I’m here now!

I just wanted to share some parts of the speech I gave this morning. Once again, I welled up and barely got through it. I’ve told my story a million times now and it still chokes me up every time. But it’s no longer from the pain we endured. It’s from taking a step back and looking at how far we have come! Three and a half years ago we were in a shelter. We had no place to go. I had no idea how I was going to support us. All I knew was that being in a shelter was far better than where we were.

Since then I have secured a home for us. I got connected with SIRCH and some other services to give me the resources to rebuild our lives. I lived out a life-long dream by going back to school and taking a fibre arts program. I graduated 2 weeks ago 🙂 I am now building a home-based business, doing what I love AND being there for my son. It’s picking up momentum and there are times that I actually feel unprepared for where it’s going! This is SO exciting!

And SIRCH has played a MAJOR part in how we’ve got to where we are. I think my speech will tell the story…

I am a volunteer and client of SIRCH.
I am a survivor.

Because of SIRCH Community Services, I am empowered.
Because of SIRCH Community Services, I am the voice of many.
Because of SIRCH Community Services, I am a resourceful mother.
Because of SIRCH Community Services, I am confident my son will have a happy, healthy future.
Because of SIRCH Community Services, I am a positive role model.
Because of SIRCH Community Services, I am now an entrepreneur.
Because of SIRCH Community Services, I am a graduate of Fleming College.

My son and I are one of MANY people whose lives SIRCH has touched. If you would like to know about them, please click here.

One more thing… This is just a small glimpse of what we’ve been through. I ask one thing… Please don’t see us as victims. I held that view for a short period of time and it got me nowhere. When you hold that view, you get sucked into a very negative vortex that is just so hard to get out of. If you look at what you’ve overcome, that is so empowering and it just fires you up to shoot big! Xox

Day 6 – A Brand New Chapter

I have made the executive decision of writing down only the events of the day I wish to remember. I have released the rest of them. Today I will always remember it as the day a LARGE amount of negativity left my body and a new, positive energy came in IMMEDIATELY to replace that emptiness. It’s like a feeling of home. Like I actually got to witness part of my own healing today. I am so thankful that it was a very positive energy that jumped in.

I spun for the first time EVER.

With a wheel and a drop spindle. There were actually two spinning wheels in class. One had one pedal and the other one, Wendy’s own spinning wheel, had 2. I figured the 2 pedals would be confusing. Not at all! When I sat down at it, I just melted into it. I showed Wendy my samples of what I had spun. She said that they were pretty good for a first try (she also mentioned that she wished she had have kept her first ones. I am SO keeping mine because this is just the beginning of something so beautiful for me). The very first wool I worked with was the stuff that I had dyed on Mother’s day. I cannot put into words how that felt… To spin wool I had dyed and hand carded (which she also complimented me on!). I am really excited about the way it feels to knit with it. And then to see it being used by a happy recipient. That is absolute bliss!

We’re going to be weaving on Friday. We also have class on Saturday this week. I am very grateful for that. And then the next weekend is birthday weekend. Looking forward to Chinese food and chocolate cake. The real chocolate cake, not the generic, flavorless stuff at the buffet. Just saying…

Day 4 – Signs

Today started really early. I wanted to make sure that I had my paper done so that I could work on my first “art for the sake of art” piece.

When I got to school, I started on my piece which was due at 2 pm. I had made that paper yesterday which I had intended on using. I had also brought in some items that I believe I received as signs from my friend who has passed (see “If you don’t have anything good to say…”). I was going to incorporate all of them into the piece, but something didn’t feel right. I decided to ask Fay about it. Of course I wasn’t looking for her to tell me what to do. What I did want to know is where do you begin to sort out what goes where. She also suggested if something didn’t feel right for this piece, that I could do a series of pieces. I thought that was a wonderful idea! She also suggested that I may want to write a poem to him or about him. So I did. I will post the picture below and explain it. I just want to wrap up the rest of the day’s events.

So today was the last day that Fay will be with us until further in the course. I am sad to see her go. She is such a wealth of information and inspiration. I thanked her for helping me this week and for listening to me. I told her that it really did help me and that it meant a lot. She gave me a hug. She is a person I would love to spend more time with. I would love to see more of her technique – art and spiritual. She is another person who “gets it.” I LOVE hanging out with people like that!

I went to pick little man up at the daycare. He was in a much better mood today. It sounds like he was doing better. I took him to the grocery store. He wanted to get an orange and an apple. Just when I was about ready to pull into my garage, Mom showed up. She asked me if I wanted to go out for pizza. Considering I was beyond exhausted, I took her up on it in a heartbeat. Little man was pleased that he got to spend some time with his Grammie too. I really am so grateful for Mom. I wouldn’t have been able to do this course without her. She is helping me so much. I love her beyond words!

Here is the piece dedicated to my friend, unofficially dubbed “Signs”:

The background was wet felted. I chose red and white because my friend was the MOST patriotic Canadian I ever had the honour of knowing. I wrote and hand stitched a Haiku for him:

Thank you for the signs
I feel you are beside me
Always in my heart

The other parts of this piece are items that I (and a few others) believe are signs from my friend.

The REALLY interesting part of this whole thing… When I was presenting this piece to my class and explaining what the signs meant, a single light blew. There was no power surge. Fay just looked over at me in awe. I think there may have been a couple of my classmates that were freaked out a little. I’m not scared. I am really amazed at just how strong his spirit is coming through. I’ve experienced signs from my Granny Girl shortly after her death, but nothing this strong. I am so grateful for each and every sign. I just hope that he doesn’t think that I’m holding on to him and he’s staying for my sake. If he has to go, I am ready to release him. That was one of the points of this piece.

I am quickly learning that there is more to art than I ever thought. I have learned that there is a spiritual side to it. When I say spiritual, I’m not talking religion. I’m referring to getting in touch with your soul and giving it a chance to get up on the soap box. When I was writing that poem and working on that piece, I kept getting chills. To me, that was an indicator that something unseen is pleased with what I was doing.

So that concludes my first week. Now it’s time to unwind. I’m thinking a Big Bang Theory marathon is in order. Tomorrow… Spending the day with my little man 🙂

Day 3 – Still Standing. Barely.

What a day.

My little man started crying when I was going to leave him at daycare. So that means that mama started too. It was not a good scene. When I picked him up from Mom’s though, she said that he had had his best day yet. He was playing with a little girl when she got there. He was much more chatty tonight too and talking about his day. He tells me that he’s not going to his school tomorrow though. I asked him where he was going. He told me he was going to go grocery shopping. And that he was going to push the cart. I asked him what he was going to buy. He said some regular Fishies and some cheese sticks. And then he was going to get some apples and some bananas. And some bread. And he was going to make me a grilled cheese… This boy really cracks me up. I’m not sure if I mentioned he’s only 3 1/2 lol

For the past two mornings, Fay has had us do some silly little exercises. I say silly because the whole point of them is to let loose and just be silly. We finished up the knitting and crocheting portion of the course. I had a small victory! I made a felted “Huny” pot and it turned out exactly how I had it pictured! That hasn’t happened all that often to me, so this is big!

I also talked to Fay about the piece that I have due tomorrow. Included in that is a piece of paper I made. This is a very special piece. I went for a walk today and I wrote a letter to my friend. On my travels, I found a red maple leaf. When I went back, I started ripping the letter up in preparation. Well, that’s when I lost it. Fay came in and pulled up a stool. She said that I could talk if I wanted, but I didn’t have to. I thought that was so sweet of her. I also added some newspaper dated on his last birthday. I poured half of the pulp on the mold. Fay picked it up to let the water drain and then she held it. I put the leaf in. Then I poured the rest of the pulp in. I put some words on top that I had torn out from the letter. I think the whole concept is just beautiful. I thought it was a great tribute to my friend and a great way for me to release some of my emotions. I think this is going to touch people. It already has.

A couple of ladies wandered in after class. I think they were just checking to see if there were any new displays. I got talking to them and they asked me if I would mind showing them some of the things we have done so far. When I got to the paper and told the story, the one woman had to leave. Wow. It wasn’t my intention for it to be THAT powerful. I can’t believe a piece of my work has had that kind of effect on somebody. That just amazes me.

The rest of the day I had to finish a paper. The reading in that textbook is not easy. The authors are pretentious and pretty narrow-minded (from what I’ve read so far). Oh well. If this is the worst part of my course, then I’m sure I can handle it! I was just thinking on my way home about the kind of pressure and stress we’re under. But you know what? Compared to the pressure and stress that I was under, particularly in the last two weeks of August, this is fun stress. This is a cakewalk!

Just a note to my blog friends: Thank you SO MUCH for reading and commenting. I’m sure you already know how busy I am. So if I don’t respond to your comments right away, please know that I have read them and will reply as soon as I can. I barely have time to update my blog. I think once the weekend comes, I will be blog “stalking” 😉 Hugs to you all!