One With the Sloth

One of the many awesome things about my bestie and her honey (who shall henceforth be known as “manbestie” because his awesomeness is of the same caliber which is why they’re together!) is that they love to watch Animal Planet. When I get to hang out with them, that’s one of the things we do. As a result, I now know what a sloth is.

We’ve watched Meet the Sloths a few time. They just crack me up! They go along at their own pace, many with goofy little smiles on their faces. I get the impression that when people talk about sloths, they think they’re lazy because of how slowly they move. After watching this show, I’d say they’re anything but. When they want something, they will dang well put their all into getting it. There was one little guy that had lost an arm if I recall correctly. Did that stop him from trying to climb trees? Nope. Did falling out of said trees and hurting himself stop him from climbing trees? Nope. Did he seem worried about it? Nope.

Well, I’ve decided that this is how I’m going to approach the spinning course for the remainder of this level and the future levels. I am going to be one with the sloths. I am going to keep on keeping on. Sure, I have fallen out of trees because I missed a detail, didn’t fully comprehend the assignment, can’t read minds on how to mount assignments (there is a suggested template, but it does not work for every assignment – that’s a whole other rant that will be saved for after the fact)… However, I am NOT going to let this stop me. Ten years from now, I won’t give a rat’s ass that I didn’t mount my assignment “correctly”. I won’t care that I lost marks for under plying. I won’t lose any sleep because I wasn’t able to achieve the expected angle of twist.

I had decided last year after I had the proverbial wool pulled from underneath me that my sole purpose for doing this course is to make me a better spinner. No matter what my marks are, that is what is going to come out of this. I will be a better spinner. I will have tried fibres I never knew existed. I will have the opportunity to find what I like, what I don’t like. It will likely open even more doors for fun and experimentation with techniques and fibres. The most valuable piece of it all though is going to be the feedback. I have found that on the rare occasion, it can come off as snarky and maybe a little condescending. Whether or not that is the intention, I’ll never know. I’m not paying these people to be my friends and sugar coat stuff though. What I need most from them is to know what I’m doing right and what I can do to improve. They have all delivered. Look at Gordon Ramsey – absolute asshole in the kitchen, but he knows his shit. If people can filter out the condescending asshole piece and use his feedback, there is no doubt their skills become stronger. Fortunately for us spinners, it’s not THAT bad!

When I went into this course, I did it for some right reasons and some reasons that are starting to change. The main reason was my love of spinning. That will never change. Another was to help me with the loss of Mom. That has helped me IMMENSELY. To show my little hunny bunny that you’re never too old to go back to school or follow your dreams. I LOVE that I have removed that excuse for him. I will continue to do so! hehehe

Another was to be an instructor. There is no doubt that spinning has changed my life. I want to share that with other people in the worst way. HOWEVER… This objective has caused me a lot of stress and heartache. I had it in my mind that I have to have perfect marks in order to achieve this. A year ago last fall when I got a horrible mark, it killed me. I had missed a HUGE part of the assignment. If I knew that was to be included, I’m sure I would have ended up with high 80’s or even more. It was in an area I’m somewhat strong in. But for some reason, I missed that part that had to be included. I was crushed. Absolutely crushed. I saw my dreams of becoming an instructor fading very quickly. I’ve noticed other things since the beginning of the course that has me questioning things as well. I feel that assumptions are being made without confirmation and I fear that this is impacting my future in instructing too. Or at least I did. Assume away. You probably have no clue. Again, if I don’t end up instructing because of crossed wires and assumptions, that will save me a whole world of pain.

After processing all of that, it had me re-evaluating WHY I’m taking this course in the first place. Enter the sloth.

THAT is when I woke up and realized that marks aren’t everything. It’s one person’s opinion. Yes, there are guidelines to be followed, but if you gave the same assignment to another instructor to mark, there may be a different outcome. As I pondered it further, I asked myself if all this stress was worth it? I have enough stress going on in my life without this. So I had two options. Either I recognized that I’m navigating uncharted territory, pat myself on the back for doing my best and take the feedback and run. Or freak out over the fact that I’m not perfect so nobody will want me to teach for them because all instructors are born perfect. Uh, no. I’m at a place in my life now where I believe that if you’re going to judge my CURRENT skills based on marks I obtained at a time that I was just LEARNING those skills without seeing my work NOW… You’re wasting MY time. It would be the same thing as assuming your reading level today hasn’t changed since your first evaluation in kindergarten. I want to be an instructor with my whole heart. But I also refuse to sell my soul or jump through excessive hoops to achieve this. I was put on this earth to teach. However, I have a lot of other skills to share in my bag of tricks. If teaching spinning doesn’t pan out, there’s not much I can do about that. I am confident I will find my place regardless. If it’s meant to be, it will happen.

If you’ve read this far, you may be asking what prompted this post. Well, for the most part, it’s seeing my poor classmates freaking out over the twist and grist assignment we have due at the end of February. Some of the most experienced spinners in our group are losing sleep over this. I’m not saying don’t put your all in and don’t try to wrap your head around it. However, it’s not worth losing sleep over though! If you get it wrong, guess what? The sun is still going to come up tomorrow. Your wheel will still be there. You won’t be any less of a spinner because it’s not perfect. If you don’t end up understanding it, the instructors will explain it to you and help you grasp it. I could be wrong, but freaking out about it is likely causing you to shut down. So any information you find at this time may not stick because of where your head is. This is NOT your fault. You’re LEARNING. Mistakes and not understanding things are a part of learning. If you don’t get perfect, be gentle with yourself BECAUSE YOU ARE LEARNING!!!!!!

I’m just going to be over here, being my sloth-y self. I feel I do understand the assignment, but for all I know, I could have it all wrong. Only one way to find out, right? So yes, I’m going to dive it and get ‘er done. This is the approach I had to take with one of the bigger assignments due in October. I just got to my breaking point. I stressed about and then I conceded. Whatever. I screwed up, but by the time I realized it, it was too late. What could I do about it? Nothing. I’m expecting lousy marks and I don’t really care. I did my best with how I understood things. I know where I went wrong. Knowing your mistakes are far more valuable than a mark that probably won’t have that much bearing in your life.

I don’t know what has changed within me. I was starting to think that my give-a-damn was busted, but it’s not. I still care. I do think that I’m getting worn thin from the other garbage going on in my life, so I’ve had to just scale everything back so I don’t let it overpower me. I think that smack of reality upside the head with that one assignment had a part to play. I think that practicing martial arts has made a huge impact too. But those sloths… I am going to be more sloth-like from here on out. I’m going to start early, do my best, go at my own pace and not stress about the outcome. Detach from the outcome. Once you hand that assignment in you have no control over it. The stress isn’t worth it.

Those sloths have their shit together.

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2 thoughts on “One With the Sloth

  1. I love the sloth idea, such a good way to approach this class. As for teaching I have always found that the best teachers are the ones who have struggled, they know what your going through and how to help You!

    • It’s hurting my heart to see so many getting so stressed about this assignment. It wasn’t long ago that I was there myself though. With that, came the question of whether or not I should continue if it’s going to add to my stress, not ease it as intended. So that’s how I got here – I would rather go through it with possibly less-than-stellar marks than to quit and miss out. I also agree with you about the best teachers. They want to empower you. There are some out there that shouldn’t even be in contact with humans! (and this isn’t referring to the course) One of my little guy’s teachers…. I don’t know why she’s even in it because she just breaks the kids. Same with so many karate instructors. Ask me if I count my blessings that my first encounter with a karate instructor was one who doesn’t care who you are or what your ability is – if you want to learn, he wants to teach you. So many carry their egos in the dojo and they’re there just to break the students. It’s such a shame because martial arts is something beneficial to everyone at any fitness level.

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